Beyond Assumptions and Stereotypes: High Functioning After Trauma

"Living well is the best revenge." (George Herbert)

What do Oprah, Tony Blair, Marina Abramović, Bill Clinton, Samantha Norton, Trevor Noah, Simone Biles, Michel Houellebecq, Leymah Gbowee, Frank Sinatra, Lindy Elkins-Tanton - the list goes on, an on, and on - have in common?

They’re all high achievers with a history of abuse, poverty, instability, substance abuse and/or violence in the home while they were growing up.

They’re all survivors who stepped off the path their early circumstances had set them on and defied the odds. And that, my friends, is my definition of winning at life.

Photo by DJ Johnson on Unsplash

We often box people into categories. Trauma survivor conjures images of fragility, instability, and even danger. But that’s not a complete nor accurate representation of reality. Quite often survivors are high functioning, living (reasonably) well adjusted and accomplished lives. Some survivors go as far as making history!

Sir Mo Farah is one of the most successful runners of all time. Born in Somalia, Sir Mo Farah was trafficked to the UK at the age of 9 and forced to work as a domestic servant before social services stepped in.

The Overlooked Features of Trauma

There’s no denying that traumatic stress, particularly when occurring during one’s formative years, can have a profound and lasting negative impact on the survivor’s life. But not all learnings and coping mechanisms born out of trauma turn out to be dysfunctional in adulthood.

Many survivors develop extraordinary coping mechanisms, turning their experiences into a source of strength, drive and excellence.

Trauma can fuel ambition. Success is the best revenge, some say. Adversity can stir up the determination to dramatically improve one’s circumstances, establish safety and seek validation, leading to some remarkable achievements in the process.

Survivors develop exceptional problem-solving skills. It’s difficult to keep the peace during your parents’ messy divorce, or find time to do your homework project when you’re busy caring for your siblings. Navigating challenging situations builds resilience and resourcefulness.

Empathy and compassion often emerge. Survivors are experts on pain. They understand it, recognise it in others, resonate with it, and often feel compelled to intervene to stop it.

Trauma can facilitate self awareness and a sense of purpose. Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a profound positive shift experienced by some trauma survivors. PTG brings greater appreciation for life and those close to us, a sense of personal strength and purpose, hope for the future and, in some cases, even spiritual experiences. In overcoming obstacles we can discover a passion to make a difference.

High Functioning as an Acquired Skill

Most trauma survivors are invisible in part because they are high functioning.

You can be high functioning and have traumatic symptoms at the same time, believe me. The challenges survivors face do not negate their ability to perform at a high level (although they find it harder). Building a good life isn't about being immune to the effects of trauma. It's about building the skills and strategies you need to manage the effects of trauma, and doing the healing work relentlessly.

How that looks in practice will be different for each survivor. It may be a need to create structure and incentives to manage the internal chaos and the inevitable episodes of despair and doubt. Perhaps it’s having honest conversations with yourself and finding a direction in life that works for you, not everybody else. Maybe it’s managing intense feelings of shame and rage. As Meg Jay says, (high) functioning for people who have had a rough start in life is a constant uphill battle towards an ordinary reality that is - in survivor terms - extraordinary.

A Necessary Shift in Perspective

Social perceptions of trauma can end up being more damaging than the traumatic experience itself.

“Much of the general public is likely to associate trauma exposure with chronic mental health concerns and/or irreparable harm (e.g., “They’ll never be the same”). Many traumatic events are themselves linked to broad social stigmatization (e.g., child abuse, sexual assault, combat exposure), multiplying opportunities for the application of stereotypes and rejection.”

Clapp JD, Sowers AF, Freng SA, Elmi LM, Kaya RA and Bachtel AR (2023) Public beliefs about trauma and its consequences: Profiles and correlates of stigma. Front. Psychol. 13:992574. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.992574

Thinking of trauma survivors as unwell people living at the fringes of society is inaccurate and prejudicial. It’s far more realistic to think we’re constantly surrounded by survivors who are battling their inner demons behind closed doors, while living a ‘normal’ life as teachers, doctors, business owners or corporate directors. Let's acknowledge their vulnerabilities, but also their strength, their determination, and their ability to thrive despite adversity. And if that’s you, I hope you take comfort and pride in the long road you’ve travelled.

Thanks for tuning in,

Adina