“I know nothing in the world that has as much power as a word.”

(Emily Dikinson)

Let’s have a quick look at the language used to talk about children exposed to sustained abuse or neglect.

But, Adina, we don’t really talk about them.

I know! And that’s a big part of the problem. As a society we assume most parents/carers do a good enough job, and we leave it to healthcare and education providers to spot and address the big issues. How well this system works depends on where you live, but in most places the majority of traumatized children are left without a voice or safeguard. So I suspect one of the reasons we don’t hear about it much is because it’s all happening out of sight, to disempowered victims who can’t stand up for themselves. 

There’s also the cultural element, and what societies view as acceptable caregiving at any point in time. If you’re like me, you were brought up in a world where if you spared the rod you spoiled the child. Slapping, spanking or worse were trusted discipline tools, and parents could do no wrong. There was hardly any information available about child development, and parental education was nonexistent. People simply didn’t think or talk much about a child’s experience growing up and as a result there was no language for it. Sadly, I can think of many places in the world where this is still true today.

Thankfully we know better now. The seminal Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study was published in 1998 and demonstrated the link between childhood abuse and neglect and negative health outcomes later in life. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s tireless work with trauma survivors and the scientific community helped connect the dots between multiple branches of mental health science to build a picture of how developmental trauma works and make the case for the (still pending) recognition of the Developmental Trauma Disorder diagnostic. As evidence piled on the big wheels of professional networks, research organizations and conferences started turning, in the US and eventually around the world. Child maltreatment today is no longer just morally wrong but a public health concern, given its long-term physical and mental health implications, its social and economic consequences. 

Along with science vocabulary expanded as well. Relational or interpersonal trauma, complex PTSD, childhood trauma are often used to mean the same thing. Developmental Trauma (DT) however seems to be the label under which most knowledge is coalescing under, hence my choice of words.

‘Trauma’ is such a big, off-putting word. But it is a deliberate and justified choice. Childhood abuse is unbearably painful and immensely consequential. Calling it anything else would be to deny its very essence.

That being said, I’m the first to acknowledge it would be counterproductive to throw the t-word around negligently. Trauma isn’t something to mention casually over coffee to someone entirely removed from the DT universe. Picking the right time and audience is key. Speaking to your doctor or therapist? No point in using euphemisms. Introducing yourself to your new manager? Hold off on the heavy stuff, at least for now.

Personally I found immense strength once I accepted my DT diagnosis. It came as much needed recognition of my struggles, a way of saying none of it was my fault, and an effective signposting of expert help.  

So words matter, but so does context. One thing is certain though. We cannot fix something we won’t name. Language provides a way for us to connect and acknowledge reality, regardless of how painful it may be.

Thanks for tuning in,

Adina

P.S. You can now find me as @traumaatwork on Instagram as well!