May I Have Your Attention, Please?

A different type of self-care after trauma

Last week a friend challenged me to join a group experiment. For the next 100 days I’d be part of a little community where everyone commits to doing something small each day to improve their attention, report back and discuss.

Target #1: our phones.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

We all know we’re on our phones too much. We pick them up tens of times each day. We reach for them wanting to do one quick thing and end up scrolling mindlessly for hours. We understand apps compete to seduce us and feed off our strained and fragile attention spans. Yet we allow our devices to spoil our focus, relationships and sleep, and we struggle to imagine a life without them.

The first group challenge seemed reasonable enough - no phone for 30 minutes after waking up. Had this come from anyone else I would have fobbed them off but this is one friend I cannot say no to so I reluctantly consented.

I was not ready for what happened next.

The first thing I was struck by was, the anxious anticipation of going phone free (for 30 minutes!) was more unpleasant than actually doing it. I worried that I’d mismanage my time without the constant reminder of my screen. That I’d be unable to plan my day without checking my messages first.

What actually happened? A few minutes of temptation, followed by the realisation that 30 min is barely time for a coffee and a shower and then the usual morning routine. Once I put my phone away it didn’t take me long to forget about it.

I didn’t feel the need to jump at my phone as soon as half an hour passed either. Instead of sitting on my hands and counting the seconds I reconnected with a sense of inner quiet. I noticed things that I am pretty sure were there a week ago but never got on my radar before. The four magpies in my garden that do everything together. The faint ache in my shoulder. My son’s concentration while he moves the spoon from bowl to mouth attempting to not spill the milk.

My screenless mornings have made me less interested in my phone during the whole day. Why go back to feeling pulled at speed in all directions by a deluge of headlines, messages and notifications when I can travel at my pace and take in the scenery? Less phone time has been pleasurable - not something I had anticipated at all.

Of course, no one knows how I’ll feel on day 100 😅. But so far, so good.

And while it’s only week 1, the experiment has already prompted a few reflections:

1. Scary doesn’t necessarily mean difficult. We get used to doing things a certain way and we may overestimate how hard it would be to make a change. We won’t know unless we try.

2. Everyone’s situation is different. Our jobs, habits and private interests influence how strong our bonds with the digital universe are.

3. Small actions can lead to big results. Not everything requires a colossal effort.

4. The power of the group! I would have not done any of this without the sense of shared experience, support and accountability that this lovely bunch provides.

And if you’ve gotten this far wondering what does this have to do with trauma, thanks for sticking with me.

Attentional dysregulation is a common challenge for trauma survivors. Our brains, conditioned by early experiences of unpredictability or threat, often find it more difficult to filter out distractions or sustain focus for extended periods. (This is one of the reasons why trauma is sometimes misdiagnosed as ADHD - a topic I’ve explored in depth in a previous article, shared below.) Many of us are stuck in a hypervigilant state and use a great deal of energy scanning for threats and playing constant defence. We are more sensitive to stimuli. We have less mental real estate to spare. And we have more to gain from firmer boundaries when it comes to the things that demand our attention.

Digital moderation is more than a productivity hack for individuals healing from trauma. It’s a self-care practice that supports emotional and mental well-being.

---

---

We are not our phones. We need to unplug to recharge, disconnect to reconnect. A bit of mindfulness with our screens can go a long way to improve our mood and stress responses.

Perhaps a phone free morning isn't for you, and that’s okay. What else might work? A phone-free lunch? TV off after 9pm? Going on a walk without your headphones? You might be surprised how much one tweak could do to lessen the digital strain you’re under at home and/or at work.

Go on, I challenge you 😊.

“To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.”

Mary Oliver

The 100 day attention challenge is run by my friend

Veronica Brejan

who’s inspired me for over a decade. Veronica does some amazing work through the NeuroMindfulness Institute - well worth checking out.

*And a Personal Note*

March marks 6 months since I've launched Trauma At Work. If you've been following me for a while you might have gotten used to one email from me every week.

In recent months I’ve started a couple of other exciting projects which I can’t wait to share with you soon! To make more time for new work going forward I will move to publishing new articles on Trauma At Work once every two weeks.

Thanks for tuning in,

Adina