I’d love to talk to you more about this. I’ve ended up at a tricky point where I’m living with shitty events from years ago, which many have acknowledged as trauma - but which other people think is something I need to “put away” or is, as you mentioned, a personality disorder. It’s really difficult. I’ve had plenty of people support - and others disagree with those who minimise it - but it feels like unless I have some definitive answers all around it won’t go away - like a psychological parasite. The crap happened 10-15 years ago, when I was a kid, but it wasn’t until last year that I put the puzzle together, if that makes sense.
I love those friends of yours, Adina! I'm still close with two high school besties who supported me when things got rough at home senior year. I had to finally confide in someone, and I'm lucky they understood—and still do. Great post!
Thank you, Jan 🤗! We’re still good friends as well, my friends have helped me more times than I can count. Which is partly why there’s an irrationally optimistic part of me screaming that there is hope for us out there ☀️💪🏻.
I'm so very glad that the friends you opened up to were accepting and, frankly, that you had the courage to do this. Every burden is easier to carry when it is shared, no matter how little or much others can carry of it.
Your point about making sure you are open and honest about your past with a life partner BEFORE kids and mortgages are involved in spot on. If one cannot make a relationship work with full knowledge it's best to know that before the inevitable blast radius affects more than two.
Disclosure with colleagues? Seriously risky. I've had professionals with an obligation to uphold my privacy (security officers!) out me to others and wouldn't wish that on anyone. On the other hand, radical openness has on rare occasions helped others to open up about their own challenges and has led to addressing issues through counseling and therapy
One thing about openness about the past though - you find out pretty quickly who is on your support team!
Thank you, Mike. I got pretty lucky with my first disclosure. Friendship is a potent medicine for most of life's problems.
The partnership point is such a tricky one. One must first be aware and able to verbalise their history in order to set things straight - unfortunately sometimes that happens after the kids and mortgage.
100% with you on non disclosure with co-workers as the rule of thumb. What an awful experience you've had! The world of work is even less kind and patient with our past than society in general.
Thanks for all your support and brilliant input, Mike!
Yas, Melissa! I've always envied the people who are not intimidated by fear and judgment and choose to show up authentically despite the risks. I love the 'owning your life and narrative' angle, I think it's spot on!
Dear Adina, Well, well... a question I asked myself a long, long time ago and played with the answer. I have to say I smiled when I read about the moment you opened your heart to a couple of friends.
When people have known you for a long time, they already carry a story about you in their heads. And in my experience, when you lift the veil and share your truth… hmmm, they often don’t believe it. It’s like there’s a blockage. I can’t say I’ve had the exact same experience (I mean no wine was offered he he he), but when I tried to speak the truth—at least partially—I was met with: "Oh well, you’re exaggerating." And even many years later, the real weight of what I had lived through never quite seemed to sink in for them.
Now, back to your question. I don’t believe there’s ever a “right” time. But there is a moment when something inside simply tells you: this is the time—to share, in whatever form feels true to you. Painting, writing, poems, songs... Sometimes no one even realizes what’s behind the song or the painting—and that’s okay, because you know. The sharing has begun.
Sometimes, we post things that reflect our own experiences, mirrored through the voices of others. That’s also a way of sharing your truth. And then there are times when we start writing a semi-autobiographical book… I think that when we finally speak up and share we regain a bit of ourselves back and maybe just maybe we signal to other people in similar situations that they are not alone!
Thank you, Karina - it's funny how we both danced around the same topic, I read your post about quitting FB earlier and it seemed we touch on many of the same pain points!
I'm sorry you were not believed when you spoke your truth. The act of sharing should be the difficult part, not the dealing with the feedback! It hurts so much to open up and be met with blindness and deaf ears. But then, at least, you know where you stand.
I also felt that moment where I became more comfortable than uncomfortable with who I am. It's beautiful to see how you channel that energy into your work!
Thank you as usual for reading and being here, Karina <3
I’d love to talk to you more about this. I’ve ended up at a tricky point where I’m living with shitty events from years ago, which many have acknowledged as trauma - but which other people think is something I need to “put away” or is, as you mentioned, a personality disorder. It’s really difficult. I’ve had plenty of people support - and others disagree with those who minimise it - but it feels like unless I have some definitive answers all around it won’t go away - like a psychological parasite. The crap happened 10-15 years ago, when I was a kid, but it wasn’t until last year that I put the puzzle together, if that makes sense.
It makes perfect sense. I'll DM you.
I love those friends of yours, Adina! I'm still close with two high school besties who supported me when things got rough at home senior year. I had to finally confide in someone, and I'm lucky they understood—and still do. Great post!
Thank you, Jan 🤗! We’re still good friends as well, my friends have helped me more times than I can count. Which is partly why there’s an irrationally optimistic part of me screaming that there is hope for us out there ☀️💪🏻.
Dear Adina,
I'm so very glad that the friends you opened up to were accepting and, frankly, that you had the courage to do this. Every burden is easier to carry when it is shared, no matter how little or much others can carry of it.
Your point about making sure you are open and honest about your past with a life partner BEFORE kids and mortgages are involved in spot on. If one cannot make a relationship work with full knowledge it's best to know that before the inevitable blast radius affects more than two.
Disclosure with colleagues? Seriously risky. I've had professionals with an obligation to uphold my privacy (security officers!) out me to others and wouldn't wish that on anyone. On the other hand, radical openness has on rare occasions helped others to open up about their own challenges and has led to addressing issues through counseling and therapy
One thing about openness about the past though - you find out pretty quickly who is on your support team!
Peace,
Mike
Thank you, Mike. I got pretty lucky with my first disclosure. Friendship is a potent medicine for most of life's problems.
The partnership point is such a tricky one. One must first be aware and able to verbalise their history in order to set things straight - unfortunately sometimes that happens after the kids and mortgage.
100% with you on non disclosure with co-workers as the rule of thumb. What an awful experience you've had! The world of work is even less kind and patient with our past than society in general.
Thanks for all your support and brilliant input, Mike!
I would prefer to be the owner of any narrative about me or my life so I tend to be more open than not!
Yas, Melissa! I've always envied the people who are not intimidated by fear and judgment and choose to show up authentically despite the risks. I love the 'owning your life and narrative' angle, I think it's spot on!
Thanks for reading, Melissa :)
Dear Adina, Well, well... a question I asked myself a long, long time ago and played with the answer. I have to say I smiled when I read about the moment you opened your heart to a couple of friends.
When people have known you for a long time, they already carry a story about you in their heads. And in my experience, when you lift the veil and share your truth… hmmm, they often don’t believe it. It’s like there’s a blockage. I can’t say I’ve had the exact same experience (I mean no wine was offered he he he), but when I tried to speak the truth—at least partially—I was met with: "Oh well, you’re exaggerating." And even many years later, the real weight of what I had lived through never quite seemed to sink in for them.
Now, back to your question. I don’t believe there’s ever a “right” time. But there is a moment when something inside simply tells you: this is the time—to share, in whatever form feels true to you. Painting, writing, poems, songs... Sometimes no one even realizes what’s behind the song or the painting—and that’s okay, because you know. The sharing has begun.
Sometimes, we post things that reflect our own experiences, mirrored through the voices of others. That’s also a way of sharing your truth. And then there are times when we start writing a semi-autobiographical book… I think that when we finally speak up and share we regain a bit of ourselves back and maybe just maybe we signal to other people in similar situations that they are not alone!
Thank you, Karina - it's funny how we both danced around the same topic, I read your post about quitting FB earlier and it seemed we touch on many of the same pain points!
I'm sorry you were not believed when you spoke your truth. The act of sharing should be the difficult part, not the dealing with the feedback! It hurts so much to open up and be met with blindness and deaf ears. But then, at least, you know where you stand.
I also felt that moment where I became more comfortable than uncomfortable with who I am. It's beautiful to see how you channel that energy into your work!
Thank you as usual for reading and being here, Karina <3