This is a very thoughtful view. I remember last year when my mentor told me, “There is no full healing without fully forgiving,” I spoke with my therapist about that. She agreed but added, “UNLESS it’s a situation of abuse in any form. Then no.”
I was sexually assaulted by a then-family member when I was 19. I’m putting forgiveness for him off the table until I decide differently. I think this is SO important for people of trauma to understand so they don’t feel the unnecessary burden of “having” to forgive.
"Wrecklessly and repeatedly" really resonated. I have held so much shame for my anger towards my mother but it's not easy to have a mother who dislikes me, sees me as competition, does not want me to succeed, projects onto me and refuses to talk about any of it. I am buying this book today.
We all know there are some bad parents out there, but no one thinks they're one of them.
Parents who don't love their children and children who must isolate from their parents to survive or thrive - these are painful realities that I'm glad we're starting to talk about a bit more openly.
I hope you enjoy the book - it's helped me a lot too.
I was taking a break from the—well, let’s just say less than thrilling—task of job hunting when I came across your article. What a fantastic read! I truly appreciated your insights, and this quote in particular struck a deep chord with me:
"Forgiveness has been and will continue to be used as a weapon against oppressed survivors in order to maintain social inequalities, which causes further trauma."
It’s so painfully true. You and I both understand the profound impact this has on survivors. Hopefully, I’ll get to read this book one day—thank you for bringing it to my attention!
This is a very thoughtful view. I remember last year when my mentor told me, “There is no full healing without fully forgiving,” I spoke with my therapist about that. She agreed but added, “UNLESS it’s a situation of abuse in any form. Then no.”
Thanks, Jenny. I think it takes a trauma survivor to really look at forgiveness in real depth and peel its many layers off.
I was sexually assaulted by a then-family member when I was 19. I’m putting forgiveness for him off the table until I decide differently. I think this is SO important for people of trauma to understand so they don’t feel the unnecessary burden of “having” to forgive.
I’m very sorry that was your experience, Jenny.
And good for you for setting the rules and the path in your own recovery!
"Wrecklessly and repeatedly" really resonated. I have held so much shame for my anger towards my mother but it's not easy to have a mother who dislikes me, sees me as competition, does not want me to succeed, projects onto me and refuses to talk about any of it. I am buying this book today.
I am so sorry that is your reality, Rebecca.
We all know there are some bad parents out there, but no one thinks they're one of them.
Parents who don't love their children and children who must isolate from their parents to survive or thrive - these are painful realities that I'm glad we're starting to talk about a bit more openly.
I hope you enjoy the book - it's helped me a lot too.
Dear Adina,
I was taking a break from the—well, let’s just say less than thrilling—task of job hunting when I came across your article. What a fantastic read! I truly appreciated your insights, and this quote in particular struck a deep chord with me:
"Forgiveness has been and will continue to be used as a weapon against oppressed survivors in order to maintain social inequalities, which causes further trauma."
It’s so painfully true. You and I both understand the profound impact this has on survivors. Hopefully, I’ll get to read this book one day—thank you for bringing it to my attention!
Thank you, Karina - I think you’d enjoy it.
And good luck with the job search, I know it’s gruesome but just a matter of time before the stars align in the right order for you 💫💫